Note: Here is an eye-opening article that will get you to think about the validity of Accountability Groups. The author has a point. He is not suggesting that being in a small group isn’t right, but the way small or accountability groups are often conducted could be better especially if the focus is more on Christ and less on ourselves. Read this carefully. I think this article is on to something.
Reminders Are More Effective Than Rebukes
Tullian Tchividjian
Are you tired of being told that if you're really serious about God, you must be in an "accountability group?" You know the ones I'm talking about. The ones where you and a small group of "friends" arrange for a time each week to get together and pick each other apart-uncovering layer after layer after layer of sin? The ones where all parties involved believe that the guiltier we feel the more holy we are? The ones where you confess your sin to your friends but it's never enough? No matter what you unveil, they're always looking for you to uncover something deeper, darker, and more embarrassing than what you've fessed up to. It's usually done with such persistent invasion that you get the feeling they're desperately looking for something in you that will make them feel better about themselves.
Well, I hate those groups!
The reason I hate them is not only because I don't like accountability. Of course, I don't-none of us really do. We like to do our own thing without anybody correcting us or telling us we need to change. But God has been gracious to me by giving me a remarkable Italian wife, three children who aren't afraid to tell me I'm wrong, a nosy-albeit loving-mother, a professional counselor for a father (although he died last year), a vast array of close-knit siblings (six to be exact), some very good friends, and a group of church elders who all know me better than I know myself. They all keep me grounded and keep me real. They all know when something's wrong. They correct me when I need it. I don't like it, but they do. And I thank God for all of them!
The real reason, however, that I hate "accountability groups" is because the primary (almost exclusive, in my experience) focus is always on our sin, not on our Savior. Because of this, these groups breed self-righteousness, guilt, and the almost irresistible temptation to pretend-to be less than honest. I can't tell you how many times I've been in "accountability groups" where there has been little to no attention given to the gospel whatsoever. There's no reminder of what Christ has done for our sin-"cleansing us from its guiltand power"-and the resources that are already ours by virtue of our union with him. These groups engender a "do more, try harder" moralism that robs us of the joy and freedom Jesus paid dearly to secure for us. They start with the narcissistic presupposition that Christianity is all about cleaning up and getting better-it's all about personal improvement.
But it's not!
When the goal becomes conquering our sin instead of soaking in the conquest of our Savior, we actually begin to shrink spiritually. Sinclair Ferguson rightly points this out:
Those who have almost forgotten about their own spirituality because their focus is so exclusively on their union with Jesus Christ and what He has accomplished are those who are growing and exhibiting fruitfulness. Historically speaking, whenever the piety of a particular group is focused on OUR spirituality, that piety will eventually exhaust itself on its own resources. Only when our piety forgets about us and focuses on Jesus Christ will our piety be nourished by the ongoing resources the Spirit brings to us from the source of all true piety, our Lord Jesus Christ.
Ironically, when we (or our "friends") focus mostly on our need to get better we actually get worse. We become neurotic and self-absorbed. Preoccupation with my guilt over God's grace makes me increasingly self-centered and morbidly introspective. Real Christian growth, according to Jeremiah Bourroughs (1600-1646), "comes not so much from our struggling and endeavors and resolutions, as it comes flowing to us from our union with him."
To be sure, we are called to "mortify the flesh", "put to death the misdeeds of the body", and to "cut off our hand" and "gouge out our eye" if they cause us to sin-and we need the help of other people to get this done. Sanctification is a community project. But-and this is the point-our holiness is NOT what Christianity is all about! If it were, I and every other sinner out there would be in big, hopeless trouble.
Christianity is not first about our getting better, our obedience, our behavior, and our daily victory over remaining sin-as important as all these are. It's first about Jesus! It's about his person and subsitutionary work-his incarnation, life, death, resurrection, ascension, session, and promised return. We are justified-and sanctified-by grace alone through faith alone in the finished work of Christ alone. So that even now, the banner under which Christians live reads, "It is finished."
The accountability I need, therefore, is the kind that corrects my natural tendency to focus on me-my obedience (or lack thereof), my performance (good or bad), my holiness-instead of on Christ and his obedience, performance, and holiness for me. We all possess a natural proclivity to turn God's good news announcement that we've been set free into a narcissistic program of self-improvement. We need to be held accountable for that (grin)!
Our calling is not to fix one another! So stop trying! You stop trying to fix me and I'll stop trying to fix you. Instead, why don't we "stir one another up to love and good deeds" by daily reminding one another, in humble love, of the riches we already possess in Christ. All the "good stuff" that is ours already in Christ settles at the bottom when we focus on ourselves more than Jesus (after all, Peter only began to sink when he took his eyes off Jesus and focused on his performance). Therefore, it takes the loving act of our Christian brothers and sisters to remind us everyday of the gospel-that everything we need, and look for in things smaller than Jesus, are already ours "in Christ." When this happens, the "good stuff" rises to the top.
The Puritans used to say that far too many Christians live beneath the level of their privileges. Therefore, I need to be told by those around me that every time I sin I'm momentarily suffering from an identity crisis: forgetting who I actually belong to, what I really want at my remade core, and all that is already mine in Christ. The only way to deal with remaining sin long term is to develop a distaste for it in light of the glorious riches we already posses in Christ. I need my real friends to remind me of this-every day. Please tell me again and again that God doesn't love me more when I obey or less when I disobey.
Knowing this actually enlarges my heart for God and therefore shrinks my hunger for sin. So, don't let me forget it. My life depends on it!
In her book Because He Loves Me, Elyse Fitzpatrick writes about how important remembrance is in Christian growth:
One reason we don't grow in ordinary, grateful obedience as we should is that we've got amnesia; we've forgotten that we are cleansed from our sins. In other words, ongoing failure in sanctification (the slow process of change into Christlikeness) is the direct result of failing to remember God's love for us in the gospel. If we lack the comfort and assurance that his love and cleansing are meant to supply, our failures will handcuff us to yesterday's sins, and we won't have faith or courage to fight against them, or the love for God that's meant to empower this war. If we fail to remember our justification, redemption, and reconciliation, we'll struggle in our sanctification.
Christian growth, in other words, does not happen first by behaving better, but believing better-believing in bigger, deeper, brighter ways what Christ has already secured for sinners. I need my family and friends to remind me of this all the time.
Realizing the Colossian Christians were being tempted to buy counterfeit versions of salvation (self-improvement and freedom through rule-keeping being the main ones), Paul repeatedly reminds them of the treasure they already have in Christ. His point: don't buy false versions of what you already have. In 1:9-14, Paul sums things up by saying, essentially, "You will grow in your understanding of God's will, be filled with spiritual wisdom and understanding, increase in your knowledge of God, be strengthened with God's power which will produce joy filled patience and endurance (v.9-12a) as you come to a greater realization that you've already been qualified, delivered, transferred, redeemed, and forgiven (v.12b-14).
Paul understood that Gospel-driven change is rooted in remembrance. What Paul did for the Colossians is what we all need our Christian brothers and sisters to do for us as well: remind me first of what's been done, not what I must do. So, while rebukes are sometimes necessary, reminders are far more effective in the long run. Constant reminders of our Savior and the benefits he secured for sinners help us get better more so than constant rebukes of our sin.
The bottom line is this, Christian: because of Christ's work on your behalf, God does not dwell on your sin the way you do. So, relax and rejoice…and you'll actually start to get better. The irony, of course, is that it's only when we stop obsessing over our own need to be holy and focus instead on the beauty of Christ's holiness, that we actually become more holy! Not to mention, we start to become a lot easier to live with!
Will someone please keep reminding me of this?
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
God Can Resurrect Your Marriage from the Ashes
Note: Do you believe that God is a God of second chances or opportunities? Do you have your doubts? Read how one woman drove her marriage into the dust, and then read how she was transformed by God to be used to resurrect her marriage to her divorced husband and start a new beginning.
God Can Resurrect Your Marriage from the Ashes
Sharon Jaynes
It was January 7, 2005 and a group of friends gathered at Don and Jona's house to watch the Dr. Phil show. Jona had written in to a contest that Good Housekeeping, in conjunction with Dr. Phil, orgazined on "life change." Of fifteen thousand applicants, Jona was the grand prize winner! As the winner, Don and Jona were guests on the Dr. Phil Show to tell their story. But I didn't need Dr. Phil to tell me the story, I lived it with them. Let us share how we remember it…
Don was twenty-seven-years old when Jona first met him on a spring church beach retreat. Immediately, she knew he was exactly what she had always dreamed of in a husband. Don had a strong faith in God, a good job, a college degree, drive, and dreams for the future. He was physically fit, witty, adventurous, sexy, and "just plain gorgeous." On top of that, he was constantly surrounded by women at the retreat that were vying for his attention.
When they returned home, Jona could hardly believe her good fortune when Don asked her to dinner. Don and Jona dated only three months before he asked her to marry him on March 30, 1985. Before the next spring beach retreat, they were husband and wife.
Their first year of marriage was a blissful blur of candlelight dinners, spontaneous lovemaking, and endless conversation. The icing on the one-year anniversary cake was the purchase of their first home. By their second anniversary, Don quit his job to start his own business. Life was clicking along at a steady pace toward acquiring the American Dream. By their fourth anniversary, Jona had their first child and joined the ranks of "stay-at-home-mom."
But, after twenty-four months of Don's new business venture, the couple faced a second mortgage, a dwindling bank account, and a looming cloud of debt. Jona was forced to go back to work and seeds of discontentment, disrespect, and disenchantment began to take root.
"I was so mad at Don for the mistakes I felt he had made," Jona explained. "Deep down, I wanted him to be God and to fulfill all my needs. He made a poor God. When my mother died in 1993, I sank into a clinical depression. I spent most of my time at home in bed. And even though I had two children by this time, I withdrew from being a mom, as well as being a wife. I then began to eat…and eat. I went from 140 pounds to 240 pounds."
"Don and I had the perfect engagement, a beautiful wedding, and a fantasy honeymoon. But when the obstacles came along, I wasn't prepared to maneuver over, around, or through them. I thought, this is not the way the story goes. What happened to the fairy tale?"
"Don changed jobs about every other year, however, he always provided for our needs. It just drove me crazy that he couldn't stay put."
"I remember one day Don said, ‘Why are you eating and gaining all this weight?' I shot back, ‘I'm doing this because I don't want you to touch me. Besides, I can loose the weight if I want to, but you'll always be a loser.' Little by little, word by word, angry look by angry look, rejection by rejection; I began the process of destroying my husband. Comments like 'You're so stupid,' ‘duh,' and ‘can't you do anything right?' were constantly spewing from my mouth. I was in pain and I wanted Don to be in pain too. One day, I made a list of all of Don's faults. He found the list, but I didn't even care."
Jona always thought that since Don was a Christian, he would never leave her. However, there came a point where he could not take the emotional turmoil any longer. On May 6, 2001, Don left the home that had become his prison cell and whipping block. Jona had destroyed her marriage and her man. On January 31, 2003, the divorce was final.
"A couple of months after our divorce, I woke up to God's still small voice," Jona explained. "He seemed to say, ‘Is this what you wanted? Did you want a divorce? Do you want Don to marry another woman and have your children torn between spending time in two different households? Do you want to be alone? Were you the wife I called you to be?'" "
"Oh God," Jona cried, "What have I done?"
Now friends, the next part of the story is what Dr. Phil did not tell you… God began working on Jona's heart. She didn't change because of a self-help book or a ten-step program, but because of the miraculous work of the Holy Spirit. Do you want to know what really happened? Do you want to know what Dr. Phil did not tell his viewers? Grab a cup of coffee and keep reading.
God took Jona to a place of repentance and began to soften, remold and remake her very heart. That's what God does. He doesn't try to cover up our flaws; He starts from scratch and makes us new. While the divorce was final, God was only just beginning to work on Jona's heart.
"God took me to a place of repentance," Jona explained. "For the first time, through a support group, I saw clearly what I had done to destroy my marriage. I had always blamed our problems on Don changing jobs so often, but the real problem was my lack of respect for the God-appointed leader of my home. I was the real problem and Don simply couldn't take it anymore. I had rejected Don with my words, my appearance, and my withdrawal of physical touch."
Whether or not God could salvage the marriage, Jona made a commitment that she would allow God to salvage her. Jona's heart longed to be reunited to Don, but her ultimate goal was to become the woman God wanted her to be. She immersed herself in Bible study and prayer, and began to take an interest in her appearance. Interestingly, as the pounds began to drop, so did the scales that had covered her eyes.
"I began to understand what God's Word said about the relationship between a husband and wife. I was not Don's Holy Spirit. I was not the leader of my home. God had called me to respect Don as the leader, to honor him as a child of God, and to love him with my all. One day when Don came to pick up our two boys, I shared with him what I had been learning."
"I told Don that I knew that we are divorced, but I was making a commitment to submit to him. I didn't when we were married, but I did from that time forward."
"That's fine," he told me. "But you need to know I'm moving on with my life."
"You can move on," I said, "But I'm staying right here."
Jona continued to encourage Don, and give him her BEST.
"BEST stands for bless, edify, share, and touch," she explained.
"I began to touch him when he came by the house. I'd pat his back or give him a quick hug. When I knew he was coming, I'd put on a nice dress and fix my hair. I'd tell him I was proud of how he was handling the boys and share with him what God was teaching me. Some people told him I was trying to trick him, and that he should ignore me. But it wasn't a trick. God had changed my heart and I was committed, no matter what happened between us in the future, to never go back to being that bitter woman I had been before."
"Sharon, I hate to tell you this," she said, "but for the first time, I prayed for Don. I had never prayed for him before, but now I pray for him all the time."
Jona lost 100 pounds and gained a beautiful glowing countenance. It was amazing. More than the change in her physical appearance, the glow of Jesus Christ shone through her radiant face.
Don was confused at times and a bit leery of the change. "Why do you think I'm wonderful, all of a sudden?" he asked her.
"Because now I see you through God's eyes," she explained. "I see that you are a wonderful man."
Don fell in love with Jona all over again. No, it wasn't a trick - it was a miracle. God has given them a second chance. They were remarried on August 24, 2003. Oh how I love Him…He is the God of second chances.
Dear friends, Jona has so graciously allowed me to tell you her story because she has decided that she will do anything to help one woman not make the same mistakes she has made. She cried and cried all through the recounting of the story, and relived the pain…for you. "God allowed me to go to a terrible place," Jona explained. "My prayer is that others will not have to go to that place before they wake up and realize what they are doing to their men."
And that…is what Dr. Phil did not tell you.
God Can Resurrect Your Marriage from the Ashes
Sharon Jaynes
It was January 7, 2005 and a group of friends gathered at Don and Jona's house to watch the Dr. Phil show. Jona had written in to a contest that Good Housekeeping, in conjunction with Dr. Phil, orgazined on "life change." Of fifteen thousand applicants, Jona was the grand prize winner! As the winner, Don and Jona were guests on the Dr. Phil Show to tell their story. But I didn't need Dr. Phil to tell me the story, I lived it with them. Let us share how we remember it…
Don was twenty-seven-years old when Jona first met him on a spring church beach retreat. Immediately, she knew he was exactly what she had always dreamed of in a husband. Don had a strong faith in God, a good job, a college degree, drive, and dreams for the future. He was physically fit, witty, adventurous, sexy, and "just plain gorgeous." On top of that, he was constantly surrounded by women at the retreat that were vying for his attention.
When they returned home, Jona could hardly believe her good fortune when Don asked her to dinner. Don and Jona dated only three months before he asked her to marry him on March 30, 1985. Before the next spring beach retreat, they were husband and wife.
Their first year of marriage was a blissful blur of candlelight dinners, spontaneous lovemaking, and endless conversation. The icing on the one-year anniversary cake was the purchase of their first home. By their second anniversary, Don quit his job to start his own business. Life was clicking along at a steady pace toward acquiring the American Dream. By their fourth anniversary, Jona had their first child and joined the ranks of "stay-at-home-mom."
But, after twenty-four months of Don's new business venture, the couple faced a second mortgage, a dwindling bank account, and a looming cloud of debt. Jona was forced to go back to work and seeds of discontentment, disrespect, and disenchantment began to take root.
"I was so mad at Don for the mistakes I felt he had made," Jona explained. "Deep down, I wanted him to be God and to fulfill all my needs. He made a poor God. When my mother died in 1993, I sank into a clinical depression. I spent most of my time at home in bed. And even though I had two children by this time, I withdrew from being a mom, as well as being a wife. I then began to eat…and eat. I went from 140 pounds to 240 pounds."
"Don and I had the perfect engagement, a beautiful wedding, and a fantasy honeymoon. But when the obstacles came along, I wasn't prepared to maneuver over, around, or through them. I thought, this is not the way the story goes. What happened to the fairy tale?"
"Don changed jobs about every other year, however, he always provided for our needs. It just drove me crazy that he couldn't stay put."
"I remember one day Don said, ‘Why are you eating and gaining all this weight?' I shot back, ‘I'm doing this because I don't want you to touch me. Besides, I can loose the weight if I want to, but you'll always be a loser.' Little by little, word by word, angry look by angry look, rejection by rejection; I began the process of destroying my husband. Comments like 'You're so stupid,' ‘duh,' and ‘can't you do anything right?' were constantly spewing from my mouth. I was in pain and I wanted Don to be in pain too. One day, I made a list of all of Don's faults. He found the list, but I didn't even care."
Jona always thought that since Don was a Christian, he would never leave her. However, there came a point where he could not take the emotional turmoil any longer. On May 6, 2001, Don left the home that had become his prison cell and whipping block. Jona had destroyed her marriage and her man. On January 31, 2003, the divorce was final.
"A couple of months after our divorce, I woke up to God's still small voice," Jona explained. "He seemed to say, ‘Is this what you wanted? Did you want a divorce? Do you want Don to marry another woman and have your children torn between spending time in two different households? Do you want to be alone? Were you the wife I called you to be?'" "
"Oh God," Jona cried, "What have I done?"
Now friends, the next part of the story is what Dr. Phil did not tell you… God began working on Jona's heart. She didn't change because of a self-help book or a ten-step program, but because of the miraculous work of the Holy Spirit. Do you want to know what really happened? Do you want to know what Dr. Phil did not tell his viewers? Grab a cup of coffee and keep reading.
God took Jona to a place of repentance and began to soften, remold and remake her very heart. That's what God does. He doesn't try to cover up our flaws; He starts from scratch and makes us new. While the divorce was final, God was only just beginning to work on Jona's heart.
"God took me to a place of repentance," Jona explained. "For the first time, through a support group, I saw clearly what I had done to destroy my marriage. I had always blamed our problems on Don changing jobs so often, but the real problem was my lack of respect for the God-appointed leader of my home. I was the real problem and Don simply couldn't take it anymore. I had rejected Don with my words, my appearance, and my withdrawal of physical touch."
Whether or not God could salvage the marriage, Jona made a commitment that she would allow God to salvage her. Jona's heart longed to be reunited to Don, but her ultimate goal was to become the woman God wanted her to be. She immersed herself in Bible study and prayer, and began to take an interest in her appearance. Interestingly, as the pounds began to drop, so did the scales that had covered her eyes.
"I began to understand what God's Word said about the relationship between a husband and wife. I was not Don's Holy Spirit. I was not the leader of my home. God had called me to respect Don as the leader, to honor him as a child of God, and to love him with my all. One day when Don came to pick up our two boys, I shared with him what I had been learning."
"I told Don that I knew that we are divorced, but I was making a commitment to submit to him. I didn't when we were married, but I did from that time forward."
"That's fine," he told me. "But you need to know I'm moving on with my life."
"You can move on," I said, "But I'm staying right here."
Jona continued to encourage Don, and give him her BEST.
"BEST stands for bless, edify, share, and touch," she explained.
"I began to touch him when he came by the house. I'd pat his back or give him a quick hug. When I knew he was coming, I'd put on a nice dress and fix my hair. I'd tell him I was proud of how he was handling the boys and share with him what God was teaching me. Some people told him I was trying to trick him, and that he should ignore me. But it wasn't a trick. God had changed my heart and I was committed, no matter what happened between us in the future, to never go back to being that bitter woman I had been before."
"Sharon, I hate to tell you this," she said, "but for the first time, I prayed for Don. I had never prayed for him before, but now I pray for him all the time."
Jona lost 100 pounds and gained a beautiful glowing countenance. It was amazing. More than the change in her physical appearance, the glow of Jesus Christ shone through her radiant face.
Don was confused at times and a bit leery of the change. "Why do you think I'm wonderful, all of a sudden?" he asked her.
"Because now I see you through God's eyes," she explained. "I see that you are a wonderful man."
Don fell in love with Jona all over again. No, it wasn't a trick - it was a miracle. God has given them a second chance. They were remarried on August 24, 2003. Oh how I love Him…He is the God of second chances.
Dear friends, Jona has so graciously allowed me to tell you her story because she has decided that she will do anything to help one woman not make the same mistakes she has made. She cried and cried all through the recounting of the story, and relived the pain…for you. "God allowed me to go to a terrible place," Jona explained. "My prayer is that others will not have to go to that place before they wake up and realize what they are doing to their men."
And that…is what Dr. Phil did not tell you.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
How to Replace Food Cravings with God Cravings
Note: We all battle the battle of all battles – indulgence on food! There are two battles we face daily: Eating unhealthy foods and eating too much of unhealthy foods! I heard someone once say, “65 percent of people who end up seeing their doctor and staying in the hospital are there because of the foods they had been eating. Obesity is causing healthcare cost to go through the roof. Heart disease and diabetes is a frequent ailment that most Americans struggle with regularly.
What would our lives be like if we transferred the cravings and passion we have for food onto knowing God? What would be the condition of our souls, if we took Jesus’ Word seriously and not “live by bread alone but by every Word that proceeds out of the mouth of God” (Matt. 4:4)? Let the article below launch you off into a new beginning.
How to Replace Food Cravings with God Cravings
Whitney Hopler
After a stressful day, when you're seeking peace, do you spend time with God in prayer? Or do you find a few minutes of comfort with a plate of brownies? When you're dealing with a situation that makes you sad, do you talk with God about how you feel? Or do you open a bag of potato chips to try to numb your sorrow?
God has made you to crave Him - not food. If you rely on food to satisfy you, you may experience temporary satisfaction when you eat, only to be hungry again, following a vicious cycle of cravings and hunger that will never lead to real fulfillment. The food you consume can consume your life that way.
So learn how to fulfill your deepest desires with God rather than food. Here's how:
Ask God to give you the desire to be healthy. You probably already know a lot about how to eat nutritious foods in ways that will help you enjoy good health. But if you're struggling with food cravings that are causing you to make unhealthy food choices, you need to want to be healthy. So pray for the desire you need to motivate you to pursue better health spiritually, physically, and mentally.
Use your cravings as promptings to pray. Start a habit of responding to each unhealthy food craving you experience with prayer, asking God to help you find satisfaction in healthier choices.
Create a plan to change. Consider what unhealthy eating habits you currently have, as well as how you need to change in order to eat in truly healthy ways. Meet with your doctor or a nutritionist for advice. Then create a plan that details specific changes you want to make to how you eat. Don't give into any excuses that will hold you back. Keep in mind that, although you'll need to make sacrifices, the point isn't to deny yourself but to embrace healthy choices that will help you enjoy a better life.
Get some friends involved. Ask at least one of your friends to join you on the quest to eat healthier. Encourage each other and hold each other accountable as you track your progress together.
Embrace your true identity. Recognize that God made you for much more than being stuck in a vicious cycle of unhealthy eating that leaves you feeling defeated and imprisoned. So embrace your true identity as a person who is loved and meant to be free, confident, and holy. Keep in mind that living in spiritual victory will be sweeter than any food you crave right now.
Live by the Spirit. Pray regularly for the Holy Spirit to give you the wisdom and self-control to avoid food that isn't beneficial to your health. As you break free of consuming thoughts about food, invite the Holy Spirit to show you your calling in life more clearly and empower you to pursue that calling more confidently.
Fill your mind with biblical truth. Replace the lies you've believed about food (such as that it can make you happy) and yourself (such as that you're not worth as much if you're overweight than you would be if you were physically fit) with thoughts that reflect biblical truth. Read the Bible often, and memorize verses that help you see yourself and your relationship to food accurately, absorbing them into your soul so they'll be there to encourage you when you encounter the temptation to eat in unhealthy ways.
Make peace with your body. Even though your body will never be perfect in this fallen world, recognize that it's a good gift from God. Decide to do the best you can to take good care of the body God has given you.
Move your body. Create a plan to exercise regularly, doing types of exercise that you genuinely enjoy, so you'll be likely to stick with your plan.
Don't compromise. Ask God to empower you to stick with your healthy eating and exercise plans all the time - even during special times such as vacations and holidays - since one compromise easily leads to another, which leads to failure. But if you consistently make one wise decision after another, you'll enjoy victory.
Call sin what it really is. Overeating or indulging in too many unhealthy foods is gluttony, which the Bible says is a sin. When you sense that you're harming your body through gluttony, confess that gluttony as sin to God and repent of it, making sure to limit your portions to the right amounts when eating.
Recognize emotional triggers so you can deal them. Pay attention to the ways in which your emotions are triggering you to eat in unhealthy ways. For example, if you notice that you turn to food for comfort when you feel disappointed or frustrated, use that knowledge to make yourself pause the next time you feel those emotions, and decide to pray about your feelings rather than responding to them by eating.
Let yourself be hungry for holiness. As you practice the discipline of denying yourself unhealthy food you used to enjoy, your soul will learn more about longing, which will motivate you to crave more of what will ultimately fulfill you - a closer relationship with God. When you're hungry, you can discover how to become more holy. So pray for God to unsettle your soul so you can break free of all the unhealthy habits that have been pulling you away from God. Then enjoy filling your soul the love God will give you when you draw closer to Him.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Sunday, Sports, and the Super Bowl: A Christian's Dilemma
Note: Superbowl Sunday will be on February 6, and scores of men (especially men) will be either not in church or if they are in church, it will be only their bodies. Their minds are somewhere else waiting for their body to reconnect. Wives will have to entertain guests, go shopping or simply leave the room and let the fellas alone, while making sure that the refrigerator is stocked full of drinks and food.
Typically, men do not get too excited about what does on in church in the same way as they do the Superbowl. What I often witness that causes concern is how so many parents allow their children to play sports on Sunday even if it means missing church. I often think to myself, “What kind of precedents is being left with their kids? If an important sport’s activity comes up on Sunday or a job assignment, or a gathering of some sort, hey, church will be there next week. Missing one Sunday won’t hurt, will it?” But this often is the devil’s way for Christians to begin sliding down the slippery slope of compromise. And what makes it even more devastating is that Christians will often do such things in order to meet or hang with non-Christians. What kind of witness does this set?
The article below is designed to get us all to think through these things and to make tough decisions. Are we really putting God first – all the time, or only when it is convenient to do so? Enjoy!
Sunday, Sports, and the Super Bowl: A Christian's Dilemma
Robert Wayne
This Sunday brings the annual advent of the Super Bowl, when friends and family gather to watch the Pittsburgh Steelers and Green Bay Packers try to prove they deserve to be NFL champions.
Sunday also is the day thousands of children involved in youth sports will lace up their basketball shoes, soccer cleats and hockey skates for a day of athletic activity.
Something else happens on Sunday, too. What's it called again? Oh yes, church.
The proliferation of youth and adult sports leagues that play on Sundays creates a conflict of choice between heading to the game and heading to church. Increasingly, sports win that decision.
"It's a big issue, but the problem often is like the frog in the kettle," said John Tolson, a Christian author, speaker and teacher who also serves as the Dallas Cowboys' team chaplain. "You have a cool pot of water on the stove and at first it's fine, but you slowly turn up the heat and the frog gets fried. It's like that with (youth sports). After a while we begin to acquiesce and give in to the culture."
The conflict often leads to cries among secular society that church leaders are simply too legalistic in their approach. Tolson, however, thinks the root of the matter goes deeper than legalism.
"The issue is, ‘Who is the authority in my life?'" he said. "And, ‘Who is calling the shots?'"
Three years ago, that "who's in charge" question prompted one pastor and other members of the ecumenical churches of Hanover Township in New Jersey to stand against youth sports being played on Sundays. The group met with parents, coaches and sports league organizers in an attempt to solve the dilemma that played out each Sunday.
"We had kids coming in with their uniforms on so they could hit the doors running when church was over," said Don Mossa, who pastors the First Presbyterian Church of Whippany, located about 40 miles west of New York City. "We're not different than a lot of locations. We were hearing from parents whose desire was to get to church on Sunday, but sports programs were digging in against them. We were feeling it in the churches."
The churches also received mostly negative press from local media, Mossa said.
"It was that Hanover Township just wants to make sure the offering plates are filled," he said.
The pastors and sports groups eventually reached a compromise. The leagues agreed not to schedule games until at least 1 p.m. on Sundays.
"It's an ongoing thing, but we have a partial win for Christ," Mossa said, explaining that a youth football league outside of the township still has 10 a.m. kickoffs.
At Orange Friends Church in Lewis Center, Ohio, Pastor David Mabry faces the same cultural challenge.
"I remember growing up and the church would come together. There were no Wednesday night or Sunday practices," he said. "We're now in suburbia here and the demand and the market (for sports) drives it. Parents want their kids involved and it's a higher priority sometimes."
That's not to say Mabry opposes Sunday sports participation. His oldest son plays in a church basketball league on Sunday afternoons.
"Theologically, I'm all right with playing sports on Sunday," Mabry said. "I don't think the Bible condemns it, but I do think it's wrong when play takes precedent over worship - when it teaches kids the wrong priorities, that sports are first and church is second.
But does it send a mixed message when Sunday - the traditional Sabbath for Christians - becomes compartmentalized into segments of time reserved for church and sports? Mabry doesn't think so.
"The great (Old Testament) command is to keep the Sabbath holy," Mabry said. "Jesus corrected that a little bit. I would say the Bible allows rest through recreation and restoration. (For some people) working in the garden is restful. Jesus got on the Pharisees' case because they were too legalistic with it. He made the right statement that the Sabbath is there to serve man, not man to serve the Sabbath."
Jeremy Hudson, a youth pastor in Springfield, Ohio, takes that Scripture to heart. As a missionary kid growing up in Mexico, he and his father played basketball with the locals on Sundays, hoping to make relational connections that would lead to godly discussions.
"They would bring a cooler of beer, but we didn't drink," Hudson said. "We knew we were getting through when they began bringing the beer - and two bottles of Gatorade."
Tolson takes a similar tact. Although he would prefer that the NFL play on Saturday, he does not want to miss an opportunity to share Christ with Cowboys' players.
"The reason I work with these guys on Sunday is because I hope to make an impact," he said.
Tolson uses the movie Chariots of Fire to make a point.
"He (Eric Liddell) did not run on Sunday and was deeply committed to that, but I think it was out of his deep commitment to the Lord," Tolson said. "If the Lord had said to run, I think he would have."
Tolson acknowledges the possibility that the NFL has created some of the Sunday youth sports conflict by setting an example for impressionable young athletes - and their parents - to follow. How can playing on Sunday be wrong if the NFL does it?
"I can't quantify it, but my sense is there probably is some effect," he said. "Knowing the fanaticism around Dallas, and watching the kids, if a Cowboys player spits over his right shoulder then these kids will spit over their right shoulder."
At least one large Christian youth sports organization would prefer members avoid playing or practicing on Sunday, but takes no official position on the subject.
"Since we work through the churches, and churches have Sunday functions going on, it would be a conflict for everything they're trying to do," said Derek Parks, director of ministry development for Upward Sports. The organization oversees basketball, soccer, flag football and cheerleading leagues and camps for kids through sixth grade.
For Mossa, Mabry and Tolson, the church vs. sports debate doesn't have a simple answer. All of them, however, agree that the dilemma should force Christians to consider how they prioritize their faith.
"Part of a person's process of maturing in their faith is having teachers and preachers lovingly challenge them to examine their hearts," Tolson said. That includes the importance church members place on sports.
On Super Bowl Sunday, most Americans will be watching the game, and thousands of Christians will certainly be doing the same. Regardless of who takes home the Lombardi Trophy, Tolson's question remains: who's in charge of your life?
Typically, men do not get too excited about what does on in church in the same way as they do the Superbowl. What I often witness that causes concern is how so many parents allow their children to play sports on Sunday even if it means missing church. I often think to myself, “What kind of precedents is being left with their kids? If an important sport’s activity comes up on Sunday or a job assignment, or a gathering of some sort, hey, church will be there next week. Missing one Sunday won’t hurt, will it?” But this often is the devil’s way for Christians to begin sliding down the slippery slope of compromise. And what makes it even more devastating is that Christians will often do such things in order to meet or hang with non-Christians. What kind of witness does this set?
The article below is designed to get us all to think through these things and to make tough decisions. Are we really putting God first – all the time, or only when it is convenient to do so? Enjoy!
Sunday, Sports, and the Super Bowl: A Christian's Dilemma
Robert Wayne
This Sunday brings the annual advent of the Super Bowl, when friends and family gather to watch the Pittsburgh Steelers and Green Bay Packers try to prove they deserve to be NFL champions.
Sunday also is the day thousands of children involved in youth sports will lace up their basketball shoes, soccer cleats and hockey skates for a day of athletic activity.
Something else happens on Sunday, too. What's it called again? Oh yes, church.
The proliferation of youth and adult sports leagues that play on Sundays creates a conflict of choice between heading to the game and heading to church. Increasingly, sports win that decision.
"It's a big issue, but the problem often is like the frog in the kettle," said John Tolson, a Christian author, speaker and teacher who also serves as the Dallas Cowboys' team chaplain. "You have a cool pot of water on the stove and at first it's fine, but you slowly turn up the heat and the frog gets fried. It's like that with (youth sports). After a while we begin to acquiesce and give in to the culture."
The conflict often leads to cries among secular society that church leaders are simply too legalistic in their approach. Tolson, however, thinks the root of the matter goes deeper than legalism.
"The issue is, ‘Who is the authority in my life?'" he said. "And, ‘Who is calling the shots?'"
Three years ago, that "who's in charge" question prompted one pastor and other members of the ecumenical churches of Hanover Township in New Jersey to stand against youth sports being played on Sundays. The group met with parents, coaches and sports league organizers in an attempt to solve the dilemma that played out each Sunday.
"We had kids coming in with their uniforms on so they could hit the doors running when church was over," said Don Mossa, who pastors the First Presbyterian Church of Whippany, located about 40 miles west of New York City. "We're not different than a lot of locations. We were hearing from parents whose desire was to get to church on Sunday, but sports programs were digging in against them. We were feeling it in the churches."
The churches also received mostly negative press from local media, Mossa said.
"It was that Hanover Township just wants to make sure the offering plates are filled," he said.
The pastors and sports groups eventually reached a compromise. The leagues agreed not to schedule games until at least 1 p.m. on Sundays.
"It's an ongoing thing, but we have a partial win for Christ," Mossa said, explaining that a youth football league outside of the township still has 10 a.m. kickoffs.
At Orange Friends Church in Lewis Center, Ohio, Pastor David Mabry faces the same cultural challenge.
"I remember growing up and the church would come together. There were no Wednesday night or Sunday practices," he said. "We're now in suburbia here and the demand and the market (for sports) drives it. Parents want their kids involved and it's a higher priority sometimes."
That's not to say Mabry opposes Sunday sports participation. His oldest son plays in a church basketball league on Sunday afternoons.
"Theologically, I'm all right with playing sports on Sunday," Mabry said. "I don't think the Bible condemns it, but I do think it's wrong when play takes precedent over worship - when it teaches kids the wrong priorities, that sports are first and church is second.
But does it send a mixed message when Sunday - the traditional Sabbath for Christians - becomes compartmentalized into segments of time reserved for church and sports? Mabry doesn't think so.
"The great (Old Testament) command is to keep the Sabbath holy," Mabry said. "Jesus corrected that a little bit. I would say the Bible allows rest through recreation and restoration. (For some people) working in the garden is restful. Jesus got on the Pharisees' case because they were too legalistic with it. He made the right statement that the Sabbath is there to serve man, not man to serve the Sabbath."
Jeremy Hudson, a youth pastor in Springfield, Ohio, takes that Scripture to heart. As a missionary kid growing up in Mexico, he and his father played basketball with the locals on Sundays, hoping to make relational connections that would lead to godly discussions.
"They would bring a cooler of beer, but we didn't drink," Hudson said. "We knew we were getting through when they began bringing the beer - and two bottles of Gatorade."
Tolson takes a similar tact. Although he would prefer that the NFL play on Saturday, he does not want to miss an opportunity to share Christ with Cowboys' players.
"The reason I work with these guys on Sunday is because I hope to make an impact," he said.
Tolson uses the movie Chariots of Fire to make a point.
"He (Eric Liddell) did not run on Sunday and was deeply committed to that, but I think it was out of his deep commitment to the Lord," Tolson said. "If the Lord had said to run, I think he would have."
Tolson acknowledges the possibility that the NFL has created some of the Sunday youth sports conflict by setting an example for impressionable young athletes - and their parents - to follow. How can playing on Sunday be wrong if the NFL does it?
"I can't quantify it, but my sense is there probably is some effect," he said. "Knowing the fanaticism around Dallas, and watching the kids, if a Cowboys player spits over his right shoulder then these kids will spit over their right shoulder."
At least one large Christian youth sports organization would prefer members avoid playing or practicing on Sunday, but takes no official position on the subject.
"Since we work through the churches, and churches have Sunday functions going on, it would be a conflict for everything they're trying to do," said Derek Parks, director of ministry development for Upward Sports. The organization oversees basketball, soccer, flag football and cheerleading leagues and camps for kids through sixth grade.
For Mossa, Mabry and Tolson, the church vs. sports debate doesn't have a simple answer. All of them, however, agree that the dilemma should force Christians to consider how they prioritize their faith.
"Part of a person's process of maturing in their faith is having teachers and preachers lovingly challenge them to examine their hearts," Tolson said. That includes the importance church members place on sports.
On Super Bowl Sunday, most Americans will be watching the game, and thousands of Christians will certainly be doing the same. Regardless of who takes home the Lombardi Trophy, Tolson's question remains: who's in charge of your life?
Friday, February 4, 2011
Why Facebook (and Your Church) Might Be Making You Sad
Note: It seems that everywhere I go and whoever I meet, a person has his or her own Facebook page. I just got one recently only because without it, I cannot post any comments onto others. Whether one is old or very young, all have Facebook. But can Facebook be contributing to people’s sadness? Read the following article and you decide.
Why Facebook (and Your Church) Might Be Making You Sad
Russell Moore
We've been warned that social media can distract us, shorten our attention spans, disconnect us from real-life relationships. Now a new study suggests that Facebook might also be making us miserable. I suspect there's something to this, and it's not just about Facebook. It's about our churches.
Slate magazine cites a paper in a social psychology journal that started with an observation about how college students felt more dejected after logging on to Facebook. There was something saddening about "scrolling through others' attractive photos, accomplished bios, and chipper status updates." The students' moods were darkened because they believed everyone else was happier than they are.
Journalist Libby Copeland speculates that Facebook might "have a special power to make us sadder and lonelier." How can this be, though, when Facebook is generally so, well, happy, brimming with smiling faces and beautiful families? Well, that's just the point.
"By showcasing the most witty, joyful, bullet-pointed versions of people's lives, and inviting constant comparisons in which we tend to see ourselves as the losers, Facebook appears to exploit an Achilles' heel of human nature," Copeland writes. "And women—an especially unhappy bunch of late—may be especially vulnerable to keeping up with what they imagine is the happiness of the Joneses."
Yes, Copeland writes, Facebook can chronicle cute kids, and warm moments, but that is never the whole, or even most, of the story of anyone's life. "Tearful falls and tantrums are rarely recorded, nor are the stretches of sheer mind-blowing," she writes.
Now, in one sense, I want to say, who really cares about Facebook. If you are that absorbed in comparing yourselves to others in this way, shut the computer screen and detox from the blue glow. But, it seems to me, the very same phenomenon is present in the pews of our Christian churches.
Our most "successful" pastors and church leaders know how to smile broadly. Some of them are blow-dried and cuff-linked; some of them are grunged up and scruffy. But they are here to get us "excited" about "what God is doing in our church."
Our worship songs are typically celebrative, in both lyrical content and musical expression. In the last generation, a mournful song about crucifixion was pepped up with a jingly-sounding chorus, "It was there by faith I received my sight, and now I am happy all the day!"
This isn't just a Greatest Generation revivalist problem either. Even those ubiquitous contemporary worship songs that come straight out of the Psalms tend to focus on psalms of ascent or psalms of joyful exuberance, not psalms of lament (and certainly not imprecatory psalms!).
We can easily sing with the prophet Jeremiah, "great is thy faithfulness" (Lam. 3:23). But who can imagine singing, in church, with Jeremiah: "You have wrapped yourself with a cloud so that no prayer can pass through. You have made us scum and garbage among all the peoples" (Lam. 3:43-45).
This sense of forced cheeriness is seen in the ad hoc "liturgy" of most evangelical churches in the greeting and the dismissal. As the service begins a grinning pastor or worship leader chirps, "It's great to see you today!" or "We're glad you're here!" As the service closes the same toothy visage says, "See you next Sunday! Have a great week!"
Of course we do. What else could we do? We're joyful in the Lord, aren't we? We want to encourage people, don't we? And yet, what we're trying to do isn't working, even on the terms we've set for ourselves. I suspect many people in our pews look around them and think the others have the kind of happiness we keep promising, and wonder why it's passed them by.
By not speaking, where the Bible speaks, to the full range of human emotion—including loneliness, guilt, desolation, anger, fear, desperation—we only leave our people there, wondering why they just can't be "Christian" enough to smile through it all.
The gospel speaks a different word though. Jesus says, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted" (Matt. 5:4). In the kingdom, we receive comfort in a very different way than we're taught to in American culture. We receive comfort not by, on the one hand, whining in our sense of entitlement or, on the other hand, pretending as though we're happy. We are comforted when we see our sin, our brokenness, our desperate circumstances, and we grieve, we weep, we cry out for deliverance.
That's why James, the brother of our Lord, seems so out of step with the contemporary evangelical ethos. "Be wretched and mourn and weep," he writes. "Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom" (Jas. 4:9). What would happen to a church leader who ended his service by saying to his people, "Have a wretched day!" or "I hope you all cry your eyes out this week!" It would sound crazy. Jesus always does sound crazy to us, at first (Jn. 7:15, 20).
Nobody is as happy as he seems on Facebook. And no one is as "spiritual" as he seems in what we deem as "spiritual" enough for Christian worship. Maybe what we need in our churches is more tears, more failure, more confession of sin, more prayers of desperation that are too deep for words.
Maybe then the lonely and the guilty and the desperate among us will see that the gospel has come not for the happy, but for the brokenhearted; not for the well, but for the sick; not for the found, but for the lost.
So don't worry about those shiny, happy people on Facebook. They need comfort, and deliverance, as much as you do. And, more importantly, let's stop being those shiny, happy people when we gather in worship. Let's not be embarrassed to shout for joy, and let's not be embarrassed to weep in sorrow. Let's train ourselves not for spin control, but for prayer, for repentance, for joy.
Have a wretched day (and a blessed one too).
Why Facebook (and Your Church) Might Be Making You Sad
Russell Moore
We've been warned that social media can distract us, shorten our attention spans, disconnect us from real-life relationships. Now a new study suggests that Facebook might also be making us miserable. I suspect there's something to this, and it's not just about Facebook. It's about our churches.
Slate magazine cites a paper in a social psychology journal that started with an observation about how college students felt more dejected after logging on to Facebook. There was something saddening about "scrolling through others' attractive photos, accomplished bios, and chipper status updates." The students' moods were darkened because they believed everyone else was happier than they are.
Journalist Libby Copeland speculates that Facebook might "have a special power to make us sadder and lonelier." How can this be, though, when Facebook is generally so, well, happy, brimming with smiling faces and beautiful families? Well, that's just the point.
"By showcasing the most witty, joyful, bullet-pointed versions of people's lives, and inviting constant comparisons in which we tend to see ourselves as the losers, Facebook appears to exploit an Achilles' heel of human nature," Copeland writes. "And women—an especially unhappy bunch of late—may be especially vulnerable to keeping up with what they imagine is the happiness of the Joneses."
Yes, Copeland writes, Facebook can chronicle cute kids, and warm moments, but that is never the whole, or even most, of the story of anyone's life. "Tearful falls and tantrums are rarely recorded, nor are the stretches of sheer mind-blowing," she writes.
Now, in one sense, I want to say, who really cares about Facebook. If you are that absorbed in comparing yourselves to others in this way, shut the computer screen and detox from the blue glow. But, it seems to me, the very same phenomenon is present in the pews of our Christian churches.
Our most "successful" pastors and church leaders know how to smile broadly. Some of them are blow-dried and cuff-linked; some of them are grunged up and scruffy. But they are here to get us "excited" about "what God is doing in our church."
Our worship songs are typically celebrative, in both lyrical content and musical expression. In the last generation, a mournful song about crucifixion was pepped up with a jingly-sounding chorus, "It was there by faith I received my sight, and now I am happy all the day!"
This isn't just a Greatest Generation revivalist problem either. Even those ubiquitous contemporary worship songs that come straight out of the Psalms tend to focus on psalms of ascent or psalms of joyful exuberance, not psalms of lament (and certainly not imprecatory psalms!).
We can easily sing with the prophet Jeremiah, "great is thy faithfulness" (Lam. 3:23). But who can imagine singing, in church, with Jeremiah: "You have wrapped yourself with a cloud so that no prayer can pass through. You have made us scum and garbage among all the peoples" (Lam. 3:43-45).
This sense of forced cheeriness is seen in the ad hoc "liturgy" of most evangelical churches in the greeting and the dismissal. As the service begins a grinning pastor or worship leader chirps, "It's great to see you today!" or "We're glad you're here!" As the service closes the same toothy visage says, "See you next Sunday! Have a great week!"
Of course we do. What else could we do? We're joyful in the Lord, aren't we? We want to encourage people, don't we? And yet, what we're trying to do isn't working, even on the terms we've set for ourselves. I suspect many people in our pews look around them and think the others have the kind of happiness we keep promising, and wonder why it's passed them by.
By not speaking, where the Bible speaks, to the full range of human emotion—including loneliness, guilt, desolation, anger, fear, desperation—we only leave our people there, wondering why they just can't be "Christian" enough to smile through it all.
The gospel speaks a different word though. Jesus says, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted" (Matt. 5:4). In the kingdom, we receive comfort in a very different way than we're taught to in American culture. We receive comfort not by, on the one hand, whining in our sense of entitlement or, on the other hand, pretending as though we're happy. We are comforted when we see our sin, our brokenness, our desperate circumstances, and we grieve, we weep, we cry out for deliverance.
That's why James, the brother of our Lord, seems so out of step with the contemporary evangelical ethos. "Be wretched and mourn and weep," he writes. "Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom" (Jas. 4:9). What would happen to a church leader who ended his service by saying to his people, "Have a wretched day!" or "I hope you all cry your eyes out this week!" It would sound crazy. Jesus always does sound crazy to us, at first (Jn. 7:15, 20).
Nobody is as happy as he seems on Facebook. And no one is as "spiritual" as he seems in what we deem as "spiritual" enough for Christian worship. Maybe what we need in our churches is more tears, more failure, more confession of sin, more prayers of desperation that are too deep for words.
Maybe then the lonely and the guilty and the desperate among us will see that the gospel has come not for the happy, but for the brokenhearted; not for the well, but for the sick; not for the found, but for the lost.
So don't worry about those shiny, happy people on Facebook. They need comfort, and deliverance, as much as you do. And, more importantly, let's stop being those shiny, happy people when we gather in worship. Let's not be embarrassed to shout for joy, and let's not be embarrassed to weep in sorrow. Let's train ourselves not for spin control, but for prayer, for repentance, for joy.
Have a wretched day (and a blessed one too).
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