If you are serious that Jesus is coming back tomorrow, Saturday, May 21, 2011, and you happen to have a pet that you are so in loved with, don't worry. Here is something for you to consider.
Just when you think things cannot get any weirder, think again!
Bart Centre does not believe in heaven, but he's pretty sure that if there is a heaven, your pet is not going there. Bart does not believe in the Bible or God. He is an atheist, and proudly so. But he knows that plenty of people do believe in God and do believe in heaven. And some of them believe in the Rapture, the day when true Christians will be called up to Jesus Christ. Some people - including a group that put ads on the backs of buses in our area - think the Rapture is coming May 21, 2011.
The Rapture could leave a lot of dogs and cats looking longingly at their food bowls after their owners have floated off to heaven. That's where Bart comes in.
In 2009, he launched Eternal Earth-Bound Pets USA. Bart guarantees that if or when the Rapture comes he or one of his 44 contractors in 26 states will drive to your home within 24 hours, collect your dog, cat, bird, rabbit or small caged mammal, and adopt it. (Rapture rescue services for horses, camels, llamas and donkeys are limited to New Hampshire, Vermont, Idaho and Montana.)
The cost is $135, plus $20 per additional animal. Payable upfront, of course, and good for 10 years.
"Right now, we have over 250 clients," said Bart, 62, who is retired from a major retailer and pens anti-religion books under the name Dromedary Hump. Most customers are in the Bible Belt.
Bart says he has carefully screened all the rescuers. They have to love animals, of course, but just as important is that they don't love Jesus. For obvious reasons, they're all atheists.
"These are people not likely to be Raptured under any circumstances," Bart said.
After a background check, each rescuer must satisfy Bart by blaspheming in accordance with Mark 3:29, the part of the New Testament that reads: "But he that shall blaspheme against the Holy Ghost hath never forgiveness, but is in danger of eternal damnation."
Said Bart: "We leave it up to the imagination of the rescuer to come up with a blasphemy that would be offensive to a Holy Spirit - if there were one."
He wouldn't say what sort of blasphemies his rescuers have committed. Saying, "I can tell you it involves language that most religious people would find hair-raisingly offensive.”
Bart said all sorts of people contact him, mostly atheists who want to offer their services. (About 8,000 at last count.) He also hears from folks angry that he's taking money from fundamentalist Christians under false pretences. We can commit to you that we have the resources and infrastructure to rescue your pet from certain slow starvation or thirst, at just over a dollar a month. I do not feel like I'm taking advantage. I am satisfying a demand."
Bart thinks it's a pretty good deal.
Allow me to ask this: How many animals were saved during the Flood? Only the ones whom were chosen by God to be rescued, right? What happened to the rest of the animals that had not been chosen? They all died.
At the time of the Rapture, what occurs next? The Tribulation Period (Rev. 6-19) or extreme cosmic judgment. There will be no one taking care of other people’s animals because everyone left after the Rapture will be trying to take care of themselves and seeking to stay alive.
In fact, here is a sample of what’s to come: I watched as he opened the sixth seal. There was a great earthquake. The sun turned black like sackcloth made of goat hair, the whole moon turned blood red, 13 and the stars in the sky fell to earth, as figs drop from a fig tree when shaken by a strong wind. 14The heavens receded like a scroll being rolled up, and every mountain and island was removed from its place.
15 Then the kings of the earth, the princes, the generals, the rich, the mighty, and everyone else, both slave and free, hid in caves and among the rocks of the mountains. 16 They called to the mountains and the rocks, “Fall on us and hide us from the face of him who sits on the throne and from the wrath of the Lamb! 17 For the great day of their wrath has come, and who can withstand it?” (vv. 12-17)
Nevertheless, here is a good example of why Christians should never ever set dates on the return of Jesus. To do so merely gives unbelievers the impetus to mock Jesus, Christians and the church. If unbelievers want to mock us for believing in the coming of the Lord, so be it. Go right ahead and mock. But let’s not feed their evil desires by playing on their unbelief. Let’s live our lives as though we are alert, ready and looking for the return of Christ.
And one more thing: Who are these Christians who have actually paid Bart to come and rescue their animal if and when the Rapture does occur? I thought it was both bizarre and funny that there are Barts out there in the world thinking about such things. But then I read where professing Christians are actually paying for his services because they care about their pet, Bertha the cat.
This is why I do not have pets nor do I wish to have one. If I had a pet, I would keep it outside and let it run wild so that when the Rapture occurs, it can at least survive on its own before the heavens start falling to the earth.
No don’t get me wrong. I love animals. I think they taste great!
